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"French Ambassador impressed with new Museum"

Source: The Roanoke Star-Sentinel
Date:16 January 2009

(The headline topped an article about a speech by a French diplomat at the Taubman Museum in Roanoke, a mass of crumpled metal that resembles a crashed airplane.)

"Très magnifique! Zees will put ze Louvre to shem."

The Quack Treats the Cracked

Source: Late Show Fun Facts
Date: 10 October 2008

Before Dr. Phil became a quack psychologist, he considered a career as a quack dentist.

If you go to a quack dentist, you'll wind up with no teeth and a big bill.

Don't crowd the ledge! Everyone will get a turn.

Source: Inside Edition
Date: 7 October 2008

Financial analysts are urging people to stay calm through economic turbulence and bank failures.

If people follow the advice, bankruptcy filings are anticipated from amusement parks, motels, and horror movie studios.

"AIDS Virus Traced to Chimpanzees"

Source: WSLS-TV 10, Roanoke
Date: 2 February 1999

The AIDS Virus has been found in a species of Central African chimpanzee.

Prominent homophobes claim, "We knew from the beginning that this whole plague was caused by panzees."

"Bladders Implanted in Dogs"

Source: Los Angeles Times
Date: 30 January 1999

Harvard scientists have grown bladder cells in the laboratory and implanted them in six beagles.

After years of painstaking biotechnical research, Harvard is on the verge of producing a dog that need only be walked once a day.

"Microsoft Depositions Opened to Public"

Source: Roanoke Times
Date: 30 January 1999

A federal appeals court opened to the public 100 depositions "taken in the government high-profile case against Microsoft".

"The case was originally brought by lawyers representing several media organizations, including the Associated Press".

Is Bill Gates angry at Associated Press for bringing suit against him? Perhaps he should sue AP under the same antitrust law.

"Senate to Call Live Witnesses"

Source: various
Date: 1998

The press reported that the U.S. Senate would call live witnesses to testify in the trial of President Bill Clinton.

How disappointing! We were looking forward to hearing from Vince Foster and Ron Brown.

Woman Gives Birth to Adult Man

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Last updated: 7 December 2020

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